Recently, I’ve had some days of “feeling blue,” waking up with a sense of sorrow or gloominess, despite this beautiful season of the year. By nature, I’m a glass-half-full human. Being down hasn’t historically been my typical way of walking through life, so my first thought was “figure it out,” which required being in my head instead of intently listening to my spirit. (Ignoring my inner voice is not the best way to go!) Do you ever forget to seek counsel in the spiritual world instead of the material world?

I remember what my daughter said many years ago when I talked about feeling inadequate and ineffectual: “You make a difference in this world, Mom, a big difference. Think about all you do for the people around you, how you add so much to our lives, what you do for your husband, children, and grandchildren. Who else would tell me, ‘That lipstick makes your eyes pop!’ It’s not just Peace Full Home or the people at church, or the friends who you touch. It’s so much more than that”.

Through tears, I wrote down what she said, word for word holding it in my heart and thoughts. I needed that, always grateful for the light that shines love on days that seem dimly lit.

The idiom “Feeling Blue” comes from Greek Mythology. When Zeus— the Thunder God—was sad or crying, he would make it rain even though the sky was blue. In the 1600s, feeling sad was assigned to “blue devils,” brought on by hallucinations. And the great poet, Geoffrey Chaucer, wrote of tears, wounded hearts, and sadness being blue. It’s also the color of a flag raised when a deepwater sailing ship losses its captain at sea and a metaphor for dying and death.

How you spend each day impacts change creating choices. Yet even the best days don’t nullify the loss of someone dear, bandage sorrow and fear, or ameliorate profound physical or emotional modalities. Sometimes, it’s impossible to imagine the sun shining in challenging or sorrowful times.

Even glass-half-full personalities have the occasional off day. When feeling blue, I’m hard on myself, caught up in thoughts I wouldn’t typically allow. Then self-talk: “How dare you feel sorry for yourself when you have so much!” or “What’s your problem; you are so blessed?” reminds me of all I have. The problem is I sometimes don’t “hear” that voice right away.

That day, years ago, I was missing my Mom. She’d been back on the spirit side for years, but I yearned for her physical presence, the ability to call her, take her to dinner, or even a doctor’s appointment. (I still have “conversations” with Mom, but obviously, it’s different now.)

Recognizing (for the hundredth time) that I couldn’t hold onto my parents or again experience the youthfulness of my (amazing) now-grown daughters and that my grandchildren were growing up so quickly it seemed I wasn’t accomplishing enough, I felt like I wasn’t enough overwhelmed and scared and not at all in control. Nothing soothed the dull ache in my heart; sad, in a generally happy mind, I felt vulnerable and small.

I don’t know if it was the weather, lack of sleep, or simply too much on my plate. What I DO know is that I had to walk through that Thursday. I couldn’t jump over it, run around it, or hide from it (although I tried). I had to be there and move through it.

I was back to my usual self the next day, but those moments of dipping my toe in the pond of “not enough” were scary. I believe we all have the potential to “walk off the edge,” given certain circumstances. The line between mental health and mental distress can be very fine.

If you have more “challenging” than “easy” days, know you’re not alone; if you mostly experience life through rose-colored glasses, recognize how fortunate you are. What we physically “see” on many folks’ faces doesn’t always accurately represent their true feelings.

So, whatever your walk is this day, know that you have value and that who you truly are is all you ever need to be–even if your “color of the day” is a little more blue than usual.

With Love,
Kay

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