Recollections of decades ago that seem like the distant past, and just yesterday, often dance in my awareness. I hear my inner voice harkening back to what seemed like glory days but, in reality (and retrospect), were often fraught with racism and sexism.
I remember the penny candy store, where we could buy red juju coins, pixie sticks, bubble gum cigarettes (how ironic), and a plethora of other confections for one cent! Scribblings on the playground asphalt were often rudimentary chalk trees or juvenile chalk hearts with something like “Tommy loves Sally,” which I suppose, depending on the child, may have created swooning or mortifying embarrassment.
Life seasons felt more palpable, moving in slow motion like molasses dripping to its unique beat, time measured in moments, not days or weeks or months or years. Life trajectories seemed gentler, less hurried; corn grew slowly in fields of yellow “as high as an elephant’s eye,” although the underbelly of evil was right there too. Some of us knew it. Others knew only a pure, carefully circumscribed childhood.
Errors I make now seem like secret tattoos, visible only to people I feel safe with or alone in my sorrows but never paraded on a billboard. I often ponder, “The point where life and death touch is a fine line.”
I’m working on being the best “footloose and fancy-free” version that my type A brain will allow. I hope you are, too, no matter where you are in life’s journey.
As I’m aware of my shortening human years, I pray for hope (and sunshine and smiles on the faces of those I love). Fear of “The End” (of an end) is not what shakes me to the core; it’s the sometimes haunted awareness of when I may not have been enough or done enough. I’m improving at loosening those holds, recognizing what I’ve “brought to the table.”
Do YOU ever think, “What could I have done differently or better?” If so, list all that you HAVE contributed to our planet and fellow humans. I’m confident the “Wow, I’m fantastic” remembrances will completely overtake times you’d wish to erase the metaphorical blackboard (not unlike the literal one that some of us stood in front of shaking and praying we scratched out the “right” answer).
Failure is a human trait, and we’re sometimes incredibly hard on ourselves, especially in the dark before the sacred light appears. But love can extinguish shadows, fear, and sorrow. Love can heal wounds and make us whole again and again (even in our brokenness).
I often ask myself questions as grains of sand spill quickly through the life hourglass. I remember almost invisible fragments of long-ago hopscotch, jump rope, and ringing bells singing, “It’s time to go home.”
Life seemed so much easier a few decades ago.
Life seemed so much harder a few decades ago.
And, as the pendulum swings over and over and over, life moves on, while love urges us to live into each beautiful chalk drawing, penny candy moment.
May your day be filled with blessings and memories as wonderful as you.
Kay
peace full home®—intentional living 