Too Much?

Like most, or at least many, of the humans I know, I’ve had my fair share of pain in this life. In my three-pound brain, there are times when I feel as if I’ve experienced too much sorrow, but “too much” is incredibly nebulous. What is “too much?” Who measures that? Is there a yardstick that keeps growing from the typical three feet to thirty-three feet? Where does it end?

Many of us hide under gigantic blankets (or alcohol or television or self-abhorrence) during dark and stormy times, believing that the turmoil will pass if only we become small (maybe invisible) enough. Sometimes, the sadness or barrage or stony silence does pass. But, often, it’s “swept under the rug,” stashed away, and prettied over until it happens again. And, each time “again” rears its ugly head—and it’s not stopped—you lose another tiny part of yourself.

You are worth so much more than that—as a child of God, a valuable human, a person of dignity. 

I know people who have suffered, what seems, unimaginable tragedies and moved forward. I know others who have been completely decimated by what others may label small challenges, but there aren’t benchmarks for heartbreak or suffering. There isn’t a menu that lists the causes and effects like: 
“the death of someone beloved = insurmountable years of loneliness and pain,” 
“betrayal by a friend = either two months of sadness or a new awareness,” or
“not getting the exact car you wanted = one hour of disappointment (or an appreciation of how blessed you are even to have a car).”

It’s all so contingent on who you are, how you choose to see life, what you value, and the ways you desire to spend the limited time you have in this earthly experience. That’s a lot of “you decisions,” even when you’re not aware that you’re making them!

I fail at “being fully in the moment” more often than I want to admit. I get caught up in the pain and disappointment, especially when I believe I’m “doing my best, to be my best.” Then, I’ll have a conversation with God that goes something like this:
“God, I know I’m not perfect; I fail and make poor choices at times. I’m aware that in my humanness, I allow myself to feel hurt or minimized at the hands of others. And, even though I’m unequivocally aware, at my core, that I have value, I sometimes don’t believe that. So, help me, be the person You have created.”

Do you ever feel like having that conversation with your Higher Power?

Human life is ephemeral. There are a remarkable number of situations and experiences flying our way all the time. What we decide to hold onto says a lot about who we are, and how we choose to honor our lives says a lot about how we love ourselves. 

Both of those decisions change our lives.
Both of those are critical. 
Both of those speak volumes to the world.

May this day bring you blessings and joy, and, of course, peace.

With love,
Kay


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