The irises next to the deck are coming up. They were my Mom’s. She dug them up for me the year before she died. They’re beautiful shades of purple and I planted them right next to my hot tub. About a dozen years ago, I bought the hot tub when I was renovating the house I live in. A lot of people thought I was crazy; most of the responses were something like “I don’t know anyone who has one and really uses it”. I never owned a hot tub before then but I KNEW I would love it. It’s the perfect place to sit in the evening, with a glass of wine, and think or look at the stars (there’s no artificial light here on “the mountain”) and simply “BE”. I’ve done a LOT of thinking and dreaming and planning (and crying) sitting there over the past decade. (I also figured out that a stemmed wine glass will “float” in your hot tub!)
I cleaned the hot tub and filled it with water yesterday. The grandkids splashed around in it before dinner (when it was still in the warming up stage). Close to midnight, I walked out onto the deck, lifted the hot tub cover and stepped in. Typically I’ve kept the hot tub going all winter. It’s amazingly peaceful to sit there with steam swirling up all around, watching the snow slowly fall to the ground. This year, however, it was just so cold and so snowy that I emptied it and just now got around to opening it.
The Hot Tub & God
When it’s 30° outside and you decide you want to sit in your hot tub for 10 minutes you know certain things will occur. First, you’ll be really, really cold. The wind might be blowing. There could be snow on the way to the hot tub. But, you know it’s worth it. You bravely step into the hot water. Your heart’s racing a bit but as you stop holding your breath, you relax, settle in, feel safe and warm and calm. Isn’t that how it is with God? It may sometimes be cold, in what we choose to think of as our “real” world, but when we settle into God , and allow the Spirit to envelop us, we let go, we feel safe, we feel warm. We still choose to step out of the hot tub, but it’s not as cold as when we started because we had those moments…..
Yesterday was Mothers Day. I had a wonderful day with my beloved family. Erin had a piece of art framed, that she bought for me when we were in Italy together. She snuck it out of the house with Larry’s help to take it to the framer. It’s beautiful and works perfectly with my décor. It will be a reminder that I’m loved. Sara gave me beautiful potted plants. I love flowers and every year my deck is the place I want to spend the most time. Those flowers will have a place of honor there. They, too, will be a reminder that I’m loved. We had an amazing meal prepared by Larry- london broil, salad, potatoes and asparagus- with dessert that Erin brought from her favorite bakery. There were prayers of thanks and cards that I will treasure always.
I thought about my Mom of course; of how she was told that she would never be able to have children and was then surprised at thirty years old to be pregnant with me (in the 1950s 30 was “old” to have your first child”). She went on to “grow” a big family. I remembered her parenting and loving and caring. I miss her still. I thought about all the people who don’t have great “Mom stories” to tell. I wish I could share that love with them.
Yesterday I felt a range of emotions:
joy for the family I have, sadness for the family I’ve lost
comfort in knowing I am loved, pain in knowing that so many others don’t know love
security in knowing that I am cared for, insecurity in knowing how fragile life’s balance is
strength in knowing than I matter, vulnerability in knowing that sometimes, to some people, I don’t matter
This morning I came to my desk and saw lilacs arranged in vases with this note:
“Mom- Had to cut these this morning because it reminded me of all the great May Queen crowns we made. Thank you for the great memories. I Love You!”
Sara put them there- a grown woman with children of her own, who she’s making memories with. In her crazy, busy life she paused long enough to remember, and then to share that memory with me. What a blessing, right? Sometimes my heart breaks and is filled to overflowing in a single day. And so it is.
©2015 Peace Full Home/Intentional Living
- ps.from “The Checklist from Z to A”:
- #8 Unclutter Your Home; Stuff weighs you down…physically, emotionally and spiritually. Getting rid of clutter gives you “breathing space” and we can all use that!