Soul Searching

This post is dedicated to the people who bravely share their vulnerabilities, pain, and feelings of not being enough; the people who believe they don’t fit in or matter or make a difference; the honest and genuine people who speak their truth.

The night was calm, almost apathetic, just like her mind and body and, most sadly, her spirit. It was as if a shroud covered all of her, hugging her like a blanket soaked by the rain—a blanket so heavy that she couldn’t get out from under it.

The world wasn’t good or bad.
It wasn’t exciting or boring.
It wasn’t joyful or sad.
It was just there.

There in the insistent humming of the fan that spun round and round above her.
There in the seeming meaninglessness of what she spent decades doing. There in the disappointment.
There in the impotence of her life.
There in the brokenness of failure.
There in the abandoned dreams.

And, there in the screaming, deafening silence, that threatened to take her to the brink of destruction.

She sat still, waiting, anticipating, almost expecting the next life-altering thing to happen, but nothing did.

There was only that awful silence;
the silence that she was so used to that she should have embraced it by now;
the silence that greeted her in the morning and slept with her at night;
the silence that wrapped itself around her soul.

How often do you get caught up in the apathetic nights of your life?
How often do you feel as if you’re covered in a shroud so heavy that you can’t escape it?
How often do you see the world as neither good nor bad, exciting or boring, joyful or sad?
How often do you believe life is meaningless; without meaning?
How often do you experience disappointment or brokenness?
How often do you expect something terrible to happen?
How often do you hear silence—the silence that is so loud that you can’t escape it?
How often do you fear that silence is in your soul?

You are not alone if you question, or challenge, or kick and scream your way through a day. You are not alone in your darkness, or your fear, or your feelings of “less-than.” You are not alone ever because—and despite what sometimes seems like a preponderance of evidence that you are alone—God is with you.

May this day be a testament to your value.
May this day lift you up in light.
May this day speak to the beauty of your soul.

©peace full®/intentional living, 2013-2021
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Kay McLane and Peace Full with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

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