As I back the car out of the garage, the thermometer moves down to 28°. I’m aware that as winter progresses I adapt to the cold. What would have been shocking in the middle of July is now simply part of the ebb and flow of the season. I get used to it.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that I like it.
It simply means that I accept it—it’s part of my current reality.
There are many situations that create homes that are less than peaceful. We can’t control some of them—like the neighbors, noise or environment.
It doesn’t mean that we like it.
It simply means that we accept it—it’s part of our current reality.
What we can influence is our personal space.
When you walk through the same place everyday you often don’t really see it anymore. In talking to students and clients, I call it “The Sock on the TV phenomenon”. Let me explain. Imagine that you’re rushing through your house one morning, carrying a basket of laundry, and a sock falls out. On your way back through the room you see it, but you’re already running late so you pick it up and lay it on top of the TV. When you get home that night, you see that sock, but you’re exhausted and just leave it there knowing that tomorrow you’ll make it right. This keeps happening, but each time the sock becomes less obvious until, eventually, you just don’t “see” it. “The Sock on the TV Phenomenon” happens a lot more than you may think. We get so accustomed to seeing something, that it simply becomes “wallpaper”—a background to life.
One of my favorite clients, Marie, loves this phrase. When I see her, she invariably says something like, “Kay, this thing was another sock in the house.” She “gets” it.
This happens in all of our spaces. We get used to, and accept, how things are because it’s easier than “putting the sock away”. This week, step back and analyze what’s welcoming you home. What’s really there? Is it necessary, important, valuable?
It doesn’t necessarily mean that you like it.
It simply means that you accept it—it’s part of your current reality.
Sadly, there are “socks” that aren’t physical, living in our homes too. They’re the enemies of joy, destroyers of love, and adversaries of peace-filled homes. Unnamed, they have even more power because they work insidiously—behind the scenes—destroying, taking away, and assailing the good. Marie didn’t see some of the physical “socks” in her home because she got used to them. We do the same with monumentally more damaging situations.
The first time someone asks a question and isn’t answered it’s hurtful, but if that disregard becomes the status quo, eventually the person doesn’t expect an answer. The first time someone is marginalized the feeling is profound. After time—with enough deprecation—he/she expects to be treated as less than because “that’s just how it is”. The first time someone is slapped by a spouse he or she is shocked, scared and angry. After that scenario plays out a few—or a hundred—more times it, very sadly, becomes part of some people’s realities.
It doesn’t mean that they like it.
But, they accept it—it’s part of their current reality.
Sometimes we give up trying to manage “it” because—in order to do so—we’d have to own up to it and truly see those things that slowly and insidiously took over— those situations that quietly took up residence in our hearts or spirits or homes.
Homes that are full of peace require work. They call us to pick up our literal socks and to create a home that’s serene, nurturing, safe and peace-full. Peaceful homes also need us to really step back and look at, examine, and see with new eyes what’s actually going on. We get so caught up in our day-to-day routines that we’re often on “auto pilot”—just going through and living out. We don’t evaluate what’s happening. We know the story so well, that it doesn’t seem as if there’s room for any spontaneous dialogue, ad-libbing, or adding new text to the play. No revisions are needed. In fact, they’re not allowed because we’ve closed the door, bolted it and hidden behind it.
It doesn’t always mean that we like it.
It simply means that we accept it or don’t believe we can change it.
As I back the car out of the garage, the thermometer moves down to 28°. I’m aware that as winter progresses I adapt to the cold. What would have been shocking in the middle of July, is now simply part of the ebb and flow of the season. I get used to it.
It doesn’t necessarily mean that I like it.
It simply means that I accept it for now,
because it’s not part of my forever reality
and I look forward to the warmth.
©2017 peace full home™/intentional living