I’ve never played the game “Truth or Dare”, and it’s not something I’d ever want to do. I’ve heard too many horror stories of young people (and, sometimes not-so-young people) divulging information that should have been theirs alone, or performing a “dare” that was dangerous, humiliating or out of their comfort zone. (It’s sad what we humans sometimes do to each other, or allow someone to do to us, isn’t it?)
Unlike the teenage game “truth or dare“, I’m talking about truth and dare.
the big question
What if you dare to be honest, to share your pain, or stand up for yourself,
and a giant door slams in your face—
a door that’s too heavy to open or
a door that shuts you out,
Conventional Wisdom would suggest that if you share what’s on your heart, even if the collateral damage is significant, the honesty is worth it. Honestly, I don’t always believe that.
- There have been times when I’ve chosen the “shut up and deal dance” instead of boldly facing the challenge of sharing my true feelings.
- There have been times when fear shook me to my core and I didn’t believe in myself enough to be heard.
- There have been times when I shared vulnerably and even though I was heard it didn’t make a difference.
- And, thank God, there have been times when the result of my being open and transparent bore the fruit of understanding and peace.
Like many people, I do not like confrontation in my personal life. I’m a big fan of laughter, community, joy, and acceptance, but conflict isn’t anywhere on that list! Because of that, I’ve had to intentionally work at backing away from someone or something not good for me. It’s important to realize that there are some people who should not be in our lives and some situations that don’t help us live into our highest selves.
daring to make changes….listening to our truths
Sometimes, we have to start “truth and dare” with ourselves—alone, maybe in our dark; daring to be completely honest, embracing the truths about who we are, what we’re capable (or incapable) of and acknowledging that we can’t “be all” for all.
So, how to begin? Imagine there’s a checklist of intangibles that you’re holding onto involving people or situations that have hurt you, smothered you, or brought you to your knees (I think most of us have those). What if you deliberately look at each item, wrap it in forgiveness, then “check it off” while committing to yourself that you’ll no longer give it power (or do your best to not give it power)?
What if you then take the next step and dare to choose to remove the situations and people, we’re talking about, from your day-to-day life wherever possible?
There have been times when, in spite of my fear, I’ve gotten out of my own way and told someone how hurt I was by his or her behavior. Sometimes, that’s resulted in radio silence, complete denial or the other person saying, “you’re responsible because you should have spoken up earlier” but there have been times when an awareness swept over that other human and I heard something that mended a bit of my broken heart or salved a bleeding wound.
Mostly, though, I’ve not chosen that path. Fear has had me often walk down the one of least resistance. (And, again, we often teach what we have to learn.)
But, being (often painfully) truthful with myself is something I have gotten really good at! I figure if I can’t look in the mirror and be real with myself there’s no way I’ll ever live peacefully and with intention.
Telling the truth to ourselves, about ourselves, is one dare I think all of us can take.
Please help spread the word of peace full home® and invite your friends to our peace-filled conversations.